Love is like water

by Martijn
Love is like water

What you will find in this article

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Today’s video will be a little bit different. At the time of preparing the content for this video, I was laying in bed last night. And I’ve had tons and tons of work at my day job that did not allow me to prepare this video before. But I committed to this project and to publishing one video on Sundays and one video on Thursdays every single week. And I will try to still make that happen, also this week. If you see this video was published on a Thursday, I somehow made it happen. In this video I want to share something personal that’s happened not too long ago and that is very much related to what love is really like.

The background story

So, first I think I need to give you a little bit of a background story. People that have followed me on my old Youtube channels probably know a little bit more about the story. But I never spoke about this in public ever. On April 3rd in 2016, I met a girl. We fell in love and had a few amazing months together. She made me feel at home from the first time I saw her. She was the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, and somehow I recognized her. I recognize her soul, her Spirit.

I would marry you tomorrow

She was always very reserved and didn’t seem to be comfortable speaking about her feelings. But I never felt loved as much as she made me feel loved. Just by the gestures she had, and the way she looked at me. And especially the way she touched me when I couldn’t see her face. One day we were together and I felt so incredible with her and I felt inspired to just turn around, look at her and say to her: “I would marry you tomorrow”. To my surprise, she looked at me and responded: “Me too”. I did not expect that at all. So, I reacted and said: “Wait, what? Really?”. And she responded again and said: “Yes, really.” I told her that was pretty deep and unexpected because she never spoke about her feelings. Then again, she confirmed and said I was right.

So, I thought from that moment on everything would get even better and that we would grow even closer. However, the opposite happened. She communicated even less with me about her feelings, she started asking for time for herself, and I think it was only two or three weeks later after that moment that we broke up. And she disappeared without any explanation.

This is now almost five years ago and in these years she has appeared a few times. We’ve had a few moments of communication. But never have I really understood what happened and why she disappeared. Of course, I made some assumptions and I have an intuition about what happened. But I can’t know for sure.

But, this is not what this video is about. Never in my life have I felt that I wanted to marry someone until I met her. Never in my life after I met her, have I felt that I wanted to marry someone else. Only with her, I’ve ever felt that feeling until today. I was 100% sure that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with her. And up to this day, lying in my bed while preparing this video, she still is the only one that I would want to marry. And as crazy as it sounds I would still marry her tomorrow.

Five difficult years

But of course, five years have passed and they have not been five easy years. I suffered a lot and I had a very very difficult time trying to give this a place in my life. And to try to understand what happened in one way or another. And why it happened. And I never was really capable until I started to understand and truly feel deep inside that love, true love, is not what most people believe it to be. And definitely not what I thought it was or how I was actually dealing with it.

A surreal experience

And just recently a few weeks ago something very strange happened. It’s been more than a year ago that we’ve been in touch and even much longer ago I had the last contact from her side. So, I was walking outside a few weeks ago on a Saturday. I was feeling good and was going to the beach for a walk and at some point, I felt the urge to look at my phone which I was carrying in my pocket. I pulled my phone out and saw the name of this girl on the screen and I was completely shocked. Because I thought that she was calling me.

Before I understood what I could do or what was happening and exactly when I tried to touch the screen and answer the call, her name disappeared from the screen. So, I looked into the call history and realized it was actually me who was calling her. And apparently, there had been a connection for over a minute. So I guess I left her a voicemail message, or maybe she even picked up the phone. Although I doubt that.

What was so amazing to me is that I still don’t know how I called her while my phone was in my pocket. Because the last time I called her was more than one and a half years ago and she was not in the recent connections in my phone whatsoever. So, I have absolutely no clue how my phone, first of all, was unlocked and how it was able to actually pick her number and make that call. It just feels very surreal. But it is what happened. And, of course, it brought up memories. And it made me reflect on how I felt about the situation and how the love for her has not changed at all in all these years. But that my attachment to it has disappeared.

True love doesn’t die

I’ve had a few long-term girlfriends in my life and if you ask me right now if I still love them on a romantic level I would say no. I would not be able to feel that same connection with them anymore. Obviously, that’s why we broke up and that’s why are not together anymore. But I’ve learned over the years that true love is something completely different. True love doesn’t stop if one of the two people in the relationship stops loving, or maybe she didn’t stop loving but just ran away for whatever reason. You can ask yourself if it’s true love when the love is not returned and then at some point, you stop loving. Was that then really true love? Or was it simply conditional love? You love because the love is returned to you. That’s not really love.

Of course, you have to make a distinction because when you’re in a relationship and someone breaks up with you you need to deal with that. And you need to move on with your life. It doesn’t mean you can’t redo your life and meet someone else and that you need to stay stuck in loving that person to prove that it’s true love. That’s not how it works, you can love someone else too. But it’s now been five years ago and I love her exactly the same as when we were together. And I said it before. And as crazy as it sounds, I would marry her tomorrow, still.

Love is like water

But that doesn’t mean that I’m not over the relationship. It doesn’t mean that I haven’t moved on. I just realized that true love doesn’t die. It doesn’t change. It doesn’t increase or decrease in strength, it’s eternal, forever. And it’s changeless and all-encompassing. Because true love is like water. Water goes where it’s allowed to go. The same happens with love. Love can be contained only if there are barriers to keep it contained. But if you take away the barriers, it will flow anywhere. And I think it’s a perfect comparison. Water and love have the same properties.

If you’re cold, it stays stagnant and eventually freezes. But if you’re too hot, which would mean too intense, too close, too much on top of it, too much controlling, and too possessive, it evaporates. But when you are exactly at the right temperature it’s not cold, it’s not warm. It’s perfect. And it nourishes you, just like water does. If you try to contain it, build barriers around it, it will just fill the container and eventually overflow. So, if you want to benefit from true love there should be no barriers. There should be enough attention. In other words, you shouldn’t be too cold. But you should also allow freedom. In other words, not be too hot. It needs to be just right, just allow the water, allow the love, to simply be. To let it nourish you and let it flow where it needs to flow. No barriers, no containers, no control. Love will go wherever it is allowed to go.

And just like a little bit of water cannot do any damage, a little bit of love cannot do anything. But just like a lot of water has a lot of force and can shape rocks and destroy landscapes and break barriers the same way a whole lot of love will eventually reach anywhere. And break all barriers with such force that it’s just not containable.

So, my love for her is like water. It goes wherever it can go. Even into my pocket, into my locked phone, into my contact list, and making a call. The beautiful thing is, I’m not attached to her. The love is not destroying me anymore. Because it transformed into true love. And I let it feed me, inspire me, and be a source of detached happiness. And every day, I remind myself that love is like water.

View the video here.

Find more articles about personal development here.

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