Why Letting Go Isn’t Always the Answer

by Martijn
Why Letting Go Isn't Always the Answer

What you will find in this article

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So many of you are struggling to let go of the person you love. I’m reading all the comments and I recognize myself in what you’re saying. Not being able to let go but trying very hard to do so can and will lead to obsession and extreme attachment. This obviously is very unhealthy for you.

So, today I will tell you what I learned about letting go, and how I was able to move on. You will come to understand that letting go, sometimes is simply not possible, and neither is it always the best option. I will explain why holding on to certain things or people can be important and I will teach you how to do it without going crazy. And at the end of the article, you will learn the one thing you can do at all times, and is much more important than letting go.

Why Letting Go is Not Always Possible

Let me paint a picture that’s probably very familiar to you. You lost the person you love. Maybe it’s the man or woman of your life, your soulmate, or maybe even your twin flame. Maybe they left you, or there is some other reason you cannot be together. And you obviously still want to be with them.

In the time you’ve been together, it doesn’t matter how long or how short that time has been, you’ve created memories together. They became the most important part of your life very quickly. In many ways, they shaped you to be the man or woman you are today. How can you let go of something that has become a part of you? If you let go, you would also let go of a part of yourself. And that’s not possible. Even when you try very hard. But you’ve probably noticed, the harder you try, the more lost you feel.

You might also have physical memories, photos, and gifts, maybe he left his favorite t-shirt at your place, or maybe you had a little puppy or kitten together. Now, you might want to get rid of the t-shirt but do you really want to delete those photos? I promise you, you will regret it a few years from now. I can tell from experience.

You see, all of these things have become a part of who you are. And so often, when trying to let go, we try to erase those things from our lives. Erasing parts of ourselves, which leads to feeling hopelessly lost, depressed, and completely out of sync with who we are.

Why Letting Go is Not Always The Best Option

At some point, you might feel you’ve achieved to let go only to find out years later that, instead of letting go, you actually suppressed your feelings and emotions. And now, all this time later, it’s causing anxiety, insomnia, and depression, and you’re back where you started or even worse.

So, I don’t recommend actively working on letting go. At least not while the feelings for that specific person in your life are still so strong. You need to integrate those emotions into your life and into who you are. Letting go or not is not the thing that will enable you to move on in your life.

Especially in the phase of the process that many of you are in right now you’re not even able to properly distinguish your attempts to let go from cultivating an even deeper attachment and obsession by keeping that special person at the center of everything you do.

This is probably the most essential thing you must realize, the key to shifting your emotions and starting your path of healing, and creating a new chapter in your life is to center everything you do around you.

Is what you think, do, say, and believe beneficial for your overall well-being or does it harm you in any way? Or are there still moments you think, do, say, or believe things because somehow you believe it will be good for the one you love, or that it will help to bring you two back together? It’s easy to fool yourself here. But deep down inside you know what’s best for you.

The Importance of Holding On

When you shift your focus to yourself and center your energy and attention on things that make you feel good and help you move forward in life all of a sudden you are more in control of your life. You have the power to influence the outcome of the things you think and do, you’ve entered “creation mode” instead of observing how life passes by and everybody else seems to do and have what you want for yourself.

So, forget about spending any time and effort in letting go. It’s not worth it. It’s important to hold on to things from the past that shaped you into who you are today. But when I say holding on, I don’t mean actively keeping that person in your thoughts. Because that would put them back at the center of your life. So holding on simply means to keep, to cherish, save it for later. When the thought of that person brings you peace instead of tears, when she draws a smile on your face instead of sleepless nights, that’s when you can revisit those memories, open up the handcrafted photo album she made for you, and feel your heart is filled with love instead of suffering.

Keep that part of who you are with you, it still is part of you and it can actually serve as a very good indicator of where you are in your healing process. If it hurts, you still have more work to do.

This is Much More Important Than Letting Go

I hope this all makes sense to you so far. But I also understand you might be thinking how on earth you are going to do this? The truth is, it’s all in your mind. You believe you can’t stop thinking about them but you can. You need to drop your excuses and start working on yourself.

I’ve spoken about this very often and it will not be the last time. Take care of your physical health, exercise, eat healthily, and do things you love to do. But first and foremost you must take control of your thoughts. Otherwise, you will still be thinking of that person while doing the things you love, and you will have a terrible time.

To do this you must accept the new situation in your life. Forget about letting go, forget about holding on, acceptance is the magical word. Acceptance brings you to the present moment and allows you to focus on yourself.

Accepting anything in life becomes easier when you are able to control your thoughts. I have several other articles that can help you to understand how to do that. I will add the links below so you can check them out.

Articles on how to control your thoughts:

Find Inner Peace: Simple Techniques for Meditation

Mind Upgrade: Maximize Your Mental Strength

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