How to cope with being the black sheep of the family

by Martijn
How to cope with being the black sheep of the family

What you will find in this article

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In almost every family there is one, a black sheep. I am the black sheep of mine, and I’ve been aware of it ever since I can remember. It has not always been easy and I learned a lot about myself in the process. Now I know I’m blessed to be an outcast and I am aware of the many benefits it has.

How to cope with being the black sheep of the family

It’s very likely that if you are the black sheep of your family, you also are the black sheep among many other groups in society. You’re an outcast and your beliefs and values are different from those of most other people.

That can cause you to feel lonely and misunderstood, and it can also cause you to feel it’s you against the world. Which sometimes can be a very empowering feeling. But for most people, this won’t work in the long run and it will break them down at some point.

First of all, you must realize you didn’t choose your family (at least not consciously in your current state of being). You are free to choose your friends. But family is given to you.

Not being on the same wavelength as your family doesn’t mean you automatically have a bad relationship with them. It just means you don’t have a lot of things in common and, in most circumstances, you will not go much further than having very superficial “how is the weather over there?” kind of conversations.

I found acceptance and creating my own tribe is the best way for me to cope with being the black sheep of my family and other groups I come in touch with.

Accepting the fact you are the black sheep of your family is important. But even more so it is to accept within yourself you are different. Very often your family does accept you being different and still wants to include you. But accepting the fact it is you who doesn’t want to be included is much harder to do.

So, the key to having peace with being the black sheep is acceptance within yourself and of yourself.

Why do I feel like the black sheep of the family?

There can be many different reasons why you feel like the black sheep of the family. You feel out of place and you feel like you don’t fit in. You’re not enjoying the conversations and generally prefer to zone out and disconnect from the people around you.

But why does that happen?

Why do you feel you don’t fit in? Why are you different than the other members of your family?

The reason has to do with your beliefs and core values in life. You grew up in a similar environment as your family, but somehow you’ve always had a different way of thinking.

Where the others have followed the path of everyone else, you’ve created your own path. From a very young age, you’ve felt there was more to life. And you chose to open your mind to different things and to make your own decisions about your likes and dislikes.

You became the black sheep of the family because you dared to challenge your family’s normal beliefs and behaviors.

How do you know you are the black sheep?

If you’ve been searching for information about being the black sheep in the family, chances are high you are the black sheep.

There are several things that tend to occur to all black sheep and clearly show what it’s like to be the black sheep of the family.

You feel out of place

Even though you are family, you still have the feeling of being out of place, as if you don’t belong there. And you prefer to be alone or surrounded by like-minded people.

You understand the people around you but they don’t understand you

The fact people don’t understand you but you understand them makes it very difficult for you to have a satisfactory conversation. Often people feel drawn to you and ask for advice. But once they’ve gotten what they were searching for, they move on. You learn to get your satisfaction out of helping others.

You don’t share the same interests and conversations tend to die quickly 

Whenever you’re around your family you tend to leave early or isolate yourself. Possibly with pets, children, or maybe with that one other family member you do feel sort of a connection with. Other than that, the conversations are disengaging you. And you’d rather be in silence than continue the conversation about nothing.

How do I stop feeling like a black sheep?

You might ask yourself how you can stop feeling like a black sheep. But, is it bad to be the black sheep of the family?

Most people who find themselves being the black sheep are totally okay with it. Of course, when you get to know other families who seem to be more united and share a much deeper bond, it can happen you’ll wish to have that same kind of connection with your family.

But you can’t change your family. The power of being the black sheep in your family is your situational awareness. You are in tune with yourself and with what makes you feel good.

You can use this to create an environment for yourself in which you do feel accepted and understood.

Black sheep don’t tend to have a need for a lot of social interaction. They are very selective and choose quality over quantity.

So, instead of trying to stop feeling like a black sheep. Let’s just accept it. And learn to embrace it, and use it to your advantage to ignite your creativity and let your unique talents flourish without paying attention to what other people say or do.

Remember, they don’t understand you. But you know who you are, you do understand what you need. So, just continue to pave your own path and drop the expectations of the people around you. And start living a life that can fulfill your expectations.

Why is being the black sheep good?

Being the black sheep of the family can be a good thing for you. Once you accept it, you can free yourself from the chains that keep you attached to your family.

It’s okay to lose contact, it’s okay not to attend a family gathering, it’s okay to give preference to what makes you feel good. And maybe even more important, it’s okay to avoid what makes you feel bad.

People that really care for you will continue to be there. So, it’s a great opportunity to filter the people in your life. Who actually cares for you, and who do you have a connection with that is positive, constructive, and enhances your well-being?  

Being the black sheep of the family gives you the opportunity to be unapologetically yourself. You might not have a big support group around you. But the ones that remain close to you will do so for a very long time.

You could end up creating your own little group of black sheep. A group of outcasts living their lives free from the expectations of their family, following their hearts and supporting each other, engaging in meaningful, uplifting conversations that add value to your life. Your own family of brothers and sisters connected in their souls.

Being the black sheep of the family and its spiritual meaning

That brings us to the spiritual meaning of being the black sheep of the family. In itself, it doesn’t have a specific meaning.

Life on earth is an illusion made by our ego-mind. Being the black sheep doesn’t mean you have a special mission you need to fulfill or you are more special, gifted, or advanced than your family. It simply is the part of the projection you were chosen to experience this time around.

However, what can be very interesting is to understand the relationships you had with your family in past lives.

There are two possibilities.

For more distant relatives it’s likely you haven’t had many shared past lives with them. But for your closer relatives like your parents and siblings, there is a high possibility you’ve shared many past lives.

In those situations, you will want to pay close attention to the dynamics of these relationships and make sure to heal your part.

One thing you must understand is that staying in touch with these relatives is not necessary to heal the karma from past lives. What matters is what you do with it in your mind.

Search for inner peace at all times. Learn about true spirituality and how it can help you in your journey as a black sheep in this lifetime. And take advantage of the circumstances so it will help you grow as a human being.

When you achieve that consistently, you couldn’t care less about being the black sheep of the family.

View the video here.

Find more articles about personal development here, and mental health here.

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