How to Beat the Narcissist

by Martijn
How to Beat the Narcissist

What you will find in this article

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Do you feel like you are always the one getting hurt? Like you are always the one taking the blame. Even when you’re trying to do the right thing? If so, you may be in a victim mindset. But it’s not your fault.

Well, kind of…

Narcissists are masters at making you feel like the victim. They’re experts at playing on your weaknesses and insecurities. But it’s not impossible to break free from their grip.

In this article, I’ll show you how to move from a victim mindset to a proactive mindset when dealing with a narcissist. I’ll teach you how to set boundaries, protect yourself, and reclaim your power.

So, if you have a narcissist in your life, and let’s be honest, everyone has at some point, you will want to stick around so you will finally understand how to stop attracting the same kind of people into your life over and over again, feel empowered and attract a different kind of people that have a positive influence on you and your life.

The Victim Trap

It’s so interesting to see the dynamics all over the world when it comes to narcissism. We live in a narcissistic world in which narcissism is often rewarded. You see it every day, on social media, in sports, politics, business, everywhere.

And then, when people talk about narcissists, 99% of the time the traits of a narcissist are discussed and explained. And it’s always the narcissist’s “victims” that speak about it. Victimizing themselves without taking ownership of how they feel and perceive their situation.

It’s mind-blowing how everybody speaks about the damage narcissists do to others and themselves, how they do it, and how to recognize if you have someone like that in your life. But nobody speaks about how to solve it, while that is the most important.

Here’s the thing, victims like to be victims. Hearing that, in reality, their feelings, emotions, and perception of life are their own responsibility and that the narcissist is not to blame for anything at all is not what they want to hear. Because being a victim is easy. You are not to blame for how you feel, it’s him or her.

Taking full responsibility for how you feel is hard, it pulls you out of your comfort zone and knowing you are not responsible for someone else’s actions or words but you are 100% responsible for how you perceive those actions and words and how they impact you mentally and emotionally is something not too many people are willing to do. It’s easier to remain the victim, even if that makes you feel bad. Because this way at least it’s not your fault.

The Narcissist’s Secret Weapon

And this is the narcissist’s secret weapon. Your fear and lack of willingness to take full responsibility for how you perceive the world around you.

Your insecurities and lack of self-esteem, and, let’s be honest, your laziness too.

It takes hard inner work to break through this barrier. A barrier where, on one side it appears life is happening to you. Where the external experiences in your life determine what you feel, think, and believe. And that way determines the quality of your life. The other side of this mental barrier is where you know that what you feel, think, and believe are conscious decisions made by yourself, but only when you decide they are. It’s a decision that you make, over and over again.

So, it doesn’t matter if you have a narcissist in your life. He can have all the traits, show the behavior of superiority, brag about anything, pull all attention to him, have a lack of empathy, be arrogant and manipulative, and have a unique skill to somehow always being able to turn the tables so someone else looks bad or takes the blame.

None of that matters. As long as you take full ownership and responsibility of your experience.

The Power of Choice

It’s a conscious choice you need to make every day, every moment, every thought. Until it becomes a habit. A Narcissist’s power is only real if you believe it and allow it to be.

But the moment you take full responsibility for your perception and experience, that power is gone. The narcissist will not find the responses and reactions he feels comfortable with and will either modify his behavior or simply leave your life in search of a better environment where his manipulative behavior can grow roots.

So, if you want to break free from the grip of a narcissist, you have to stop playing the blaming game. Because in some ways, you are doing exactly the same as the narcissist. He blames you, and then you blame him for how you feel. You both act and behave as a victim.

Of course, that’s a recipe for disaster.

3 Steps to Break Free

There’s only one person who can change your situation: you.

I know it’s scary but I promise that if you take the following three steps you will see a drastic improvement in your life very quickly.

  • Take radical responsibility. Know and understand that you and only you are responsible for how you feel and how you perceive the external circumstances. Observe your external world and don’t react to it. Live a proactive life, and create the thoughts, beliefs, and feelings first.
  • Prioritize yourself. There’s nothing more important in your life than you. If something doesn’t feel right, move away. Trust your intuition and know that if you don’t prioritize yourself, nobody will. And you can only genuinely be of value to others if you value yourself first.
  • Keep a high vibration. Do not fall into the trap of feeling shame, guilt, or fear. These are all low-frequency emotional states that are easily recognized by anyone around you. Especially by a narcissist.

Instead, aim to feel acceptance, love, joy, and peace as much as you can by deliberately directing your thoughts, beliefs, and feelings in the direction you wish to see your life going. Sooner than later your external environment has to adapt to resonate with your inner experience.

I know many of you want to know whether you should break all contact with a narcissist. But I’m not the person who can tell you what to do. Each situation is different.

What I can tell you is that, when you implement these three steps consistently you will notice that your self-awareness and self-esteem increase significantly. You will be much more in touch with your intuition and you will clearly know what the best decision is for your situation from the inside out.

The Journey of Healing

Healing from narcissistic abuse starts with recognizing it was you who allowed the abuse to happen. And only you can release yourself from the victim mindset you forced yourself into all this time.

Understand you can only be attacked if deep down you feel there is something to defend or justify, you can only be offended if you have a lack of confidence and self-esteem, and you can only be blamed if you feel guilty. Otherwise, the attack or offense will not have any power over you, it will be completely irrelevant.

So, from now on, every time you feel the need to defend yourself, to justify or explain yourself, or you feel guilty or ashamed, instead of looking outside at the person who made you feel that way, look within and understand that the real reason you feel like this can never be outside of yourself.

Of course, that doesn’t mean you cannot make any external changes. If it doesn’t feel right to stay in that relationship, leave. If you feel you need a change of environment and surroundings, move.

But always know that, as long as the external changes are not backed up by a change of thoughts and beliefs within yourself, you will continue to run into the same type of problems again and again.

The New You

I guarantee if you make these changes in your life you will not recognize yourself a few months from now. But you have to be consistent. A change is only a real change if it becomes a habit.

At first, you will feel that your automatic reactions default to your old perception of life. This means you need to be alert and observe yourself, your thoughts, and your beliefs, all the time. Do this consistently and it will become a habit.

A habit that will make you see and understand that you cannot protect yourself from narcissistic abuse without inner development. You don’t protect yourself from a narcissist, you outgrow them. You change your vibration and place yourself in a new frequency.

The frequency of the new you. A you that is self-aware, full of life, confidence, self-esteem, joy, and inner peace.

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